An Unexpected Journey

This is the year of What The H... Is Going On?! It has been a very revealing year. There are times in life when everything compresses down to the rawest, most basic elements and everything you believe in your heart comes squeezing out. Its as if we are being pushed through a funnel and only a few things are going to make it through to the other side. We can't take it all with us. All of the bloated, over-sized beliefs, all of the fluffy puffy wants will make us oh so uncomfortable unless they are discarded. There just isn't enough room in this funnel for them. Did you ever play the game where you have to plan what 10 items you would take with you if you knew you were going to be stranded in the wilderness? I had my 10 items so carefully chosen, so thoughtfully planned and executed, ready to go. But now I can only bring 5. What do I do? It is amazing what you can live without when you have to.

Earlier this year, it was prophesied over me and my family that this would be the year of redemption and restoration. All God would ask of us is that we would shout it from the rooftops. We are about 1/2 way through the process and I am praising God because of his faithfulness and goodness to us. It definitely has been ugly and painful and scary, but it has to be. There is no other way around it. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. Actually, all things considered, it has been supernaturally a lot less ugly and painful and scary than it could have been. And God has been so near, so present, so close. He has poured his Words into me. He has send people to randomly text and email scriptures to me. He has brought new friends into my life to walk it out with me as well as positioning my old friends to stand in prayer and encouragement. He has supernaturally provided for us financially. He is restoring our marriage relationship. He is guiding us in ways and paths that I couldn't even imagine. 

God had spoken to my heart and told me not to try to find solutions in my mind, don't search out answers...He would bring them to me. Every time I thought I knew what direction things would go...nope. And it has been better than my plans. His ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts are so much higher than my thoughts. But oh the stretching! Certainly I have had my quota of moving out of my comfort zone for the year? Nope. OK, Lord, I completely abandon myself to You. This train is moving so fast and clearly You have it under control so I am going to just let You have it. Just tell me what You have for me to do and I will do it. Clearly You are much better at this than I am! Oh, and this stupid cancer scare...I am done being scared. Just done. You can have all of it because I just don't have room for it in my life anymore. Finances? Your problem. I am doing what You asked of me, you can have that one too. I know You are faithful so I am not going to sweat it any more. We have everything we need for today and that is what matters. You hold tomorrow. You took care of us yesterday. You will never leave us or forsake us. So there it is. What is there left to fear?

 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;

    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~Romans 8:35-39

Freedom

What, you mean to be a blogger you have to actually BLOG?! Well, here I am at long last. Have you ever noticed on social media there are trends that sometimes defy explanation? Why, for example, do I see pics of giraffes from so many people who don't even know each other? Sometimes there are ideas or themes that just seem to float in the air like elevator music. At first you don't notice it, then you begin to get annoyed by it until you finally start humming it yourself. Subliminal. That's the word I was searching for.  I think this occurs because we are spiritual beings living in a body. We forget (or don't know) that our spirit is constantly awake, aware of what is going on even when our mind is otherwise engaged. Sometimes these subliminal trends are innocuous, sometimes they are evil and sometimes they are of God.

Lately, the God buzz that I have been hearing everywhere can be summed up in the words of Jennifer Toledo, "[In Christ] You are POWERFUL and you are FREE." Yet freedom is a choice. We are free but we have to choose it. It is already done but we have to walk it out.

The Lord once showed me a picture of this. He spoke into my heart and showed me a woman in a prison cell. The door was open wide, she was free to go. Yet she cowered in the corner and would not leave. It had become familiar to her, almost safe. Everything outside of her prison cell was unknown. So Jesus came and sat with her in her dark little cell. He said He would never leave her nor forsake her. He would wait. When she was ready, He would walk out with her. But he would wait. Now that is true freedom. What a merciful and loving God! How much He loves us. 

Over the years, He has been so faithful to me and so patient with me. I would follow Him anywhere. As long as He is there, it is always the best place to be, even if it is a scary place. In Him there is freedom. In Him there is life, power, love and strength. I don't want to be anywhere else but in Him. 

Walking on Water

  Right away Jesus made the disciples get into the boat. He had them go on ahead of him to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. Then he sent the crowd away. After he had sent them away, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone. The boat was already a long way from land. It was being pounded by the waves because the wind was blowing against it.

  Early in the morning, Jesus went out to the disciples. He walked on the lake. They saw him walking on the lake and were terrified. “It’s a ghost!” they said. And they cried out in fear.

  Right away Jesus called out to them, “Be brave! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

 “Lord, is it you?” Peter asked. “If it is, tell me to come to you on the water.”

 “Come,” Jesus said.

So Peter got out of the boat. He walked on the water toward Jesus.  But when Peter saw the wind, he was afraid. He began to sink. He cried out, “Lord! Save me!”

 Right away Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “Your faith is so small!” he said. “Why did you doubt me?”

 When they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those in the boat worshiped Jesus. They said, “You really are the Son of God!” Matthew 14:22-33 (NIRV)

What are waves compared to the Glory of God? His Presence is like nothing else on earth. His love feels like liquid light pouring over me. Let the storms rage and the winds blow. Jesus will enable me to walk on water. 

I have been healed of depression. It happened at church. It was just a moment, a breath of time and years of heaviness left me. It was a simple prayer from a friend and I felt it leave in a gust of breath. I exhaled sharply and I felt it leave. That was two months ago and I have totally gotten off my antidepressants and the spirit of heaviness is gone from me. Praise Jesus for setting me free! He has set me free from so many things I am filled with awe and wonder at His Name. 

The Lord gave me this verse over twenty years ago and now I am beginning to understand: 

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,

Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1-3 (NKJ)

I pour out my praise to Him. Over the years, I have gone through so many trials. Things that made it hard for me to praise, but as He showed Himself faithful to me over and over again I began to learn to praise Him and give Him thanks in ALL circumstances. The garment of praise has set me free from the spirit of heaviness. 

...be filled with the Spirit,  speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ... Ephesians 5:18-20

Walking out on the water, I praise you Jesus. The storms obey your voice and you still the storms in me. Amen!

Good Enough is the New Perfect

Perfectionism is evil. I just know it! It paralyzes, condemns, mocks, and remains tantalizingly out of grasp. Luckily, I already know I will never be perfect and gave up a long time ago. I would just like to be "good enough". Sigh. You know, at least a C average at the everyday things, like laundry. Right now I am sporting a D+. There are areas of my life that no matter how much effort I put into them, meh is about all I am going to get. This could be depressing if I decided to rate my worth on performance. On the days that I get out the measuring stick and start comparing and contrasting myself I just feel like laying in bed all day with the covers over my head. So why can't I just STOP!? Remember that old old song that starts out "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative"? For some reason my mom used to sing that all the time. Maybe it was for days like those.

From newviewbetteryou.com

So what am I truly good at? It is important to note the things that truly matter and are lasting. My kids are growing up loved and knowing that they matter. So maybe they eat too much sugar, stay up too late, watch too much TV. But they love each other. They are respectful and kind (mostly). They are growing up knowing the love of God and that He is always there for them. And they will learn to do laundry out of sheer desperation and become more responsible than I am! My 18 year old started doing his laundry on his own volition when he was 13 because he got tired of never finding matching socks. See? There is a positive side to everything! Let's stop being so hard on ourselves! It sucks and it paralyzes and nobody every gained anything good from being a Tiger Mom to themselves. I am going to focus on what really matters and let the other things come in to place as I grow in the good stuff. (Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative) Now remind me I said all this tomorrow when I am hiding under my blankets, k?